Thursday, March 5, 2009

Where is the love?

“Can you see me smiling when I sing this song?”
“You know I was dying when you told me I’m not yours anymore”
“And when she said that she really loves me”

-this sentences are taken from my favorite song (for now)

I can’t tell you what I feel. I can’t tell you one by one and step to step. It seems like yesterday my days were full of torment. But today, oh gosh, I can’t say anything to describe what it feels. I’m happy but yet confused about this thing. Well actually I’m not giving in. If in days forward I haven’t tell you I love you. I bet you’ve realized. I miss you I love you I miss you I love you, what else? I’ll be there with you somehow no matter what and just to be your very close one. I can’t see what will happen ahead. Maybe I’m facing the truth about what I have to believe and what I have to tell you soon. Sometimes, I dream about watching the dawn faces the sky with you. I always pray for our tale. Do you think we’ll survive? Or end up like something we never wish we did. What I’m trying to say is…. Bloggy, when you’re deeply in love, love will just make you confused, but when the truth comes up, love will just make you understand about the truth. It’s not obvious to see. I’m trying to say that I hardly tell my crush about my feeling and I never think about letting my crush to know about this silly unimportant thing. Do I have to keep it alone? Or maybe just share it with someone I don’t love too much. Like when I feel the world is too hard to understand and world gives you several options you don’t really understand and options you don’t care about and options that hardly appear and hard to do it. I have to choose whether to stay or go.

Because the day asks me to stay, and the night asks me to sleep. The sun burns my dream but the moon still whispering about my past. The dark shows beauty and fill it all with pain.

And I’m fully confused

The sea tells that love is on the way, but my heart tells one name I should pick. If the sky draws a face I really like to stare, maybe It’s yours. Yeah you, the one who read it and really the one. If you really know, let me hear your joke, can you just joke that you like me also and love me also? I never smiled easily after that tragedy but you, you make me smile with no anger and I’m not faking here. I’m fucking serious about this. I’m not joking, and I don’t ask any body here. I’m looking forward to my future. When will my lovelife comes better. I don’t have reasons to tell you all. JUST don’t want that thing happen again for many times. i don’t want to cry and beg for love. I don’t want any pity even if I’m shitty and please make it easy for me. Look into my eyes right now, or yeah when will we meet? my eyes will tell you what is it and I’ll just shut my mouth tight and let you find out. It’s like I’m dying just to give it another try, what I wanna say and what I wanna hear. This night it’s cold enough to freeze my blood. And I don’t see stars and moon, I’m lying on my bed and typing this confession. My mouth can’t bear my tongue keep saying and talking about this endless stuff. I’m contented of thoughts and damn confused. I dream about blablabla. But I seems so far from that story.

When this memories get over with myself. Will I get it over? I’m done yet? I can’t bear it, SERIOUS! Do you know what? I-want-to-cry. I don’t know why it’s hard to think about it again and again, I’m too scared about what will happen next. And my eyes are closed. I’m not ready about something painful in-front. IT’S NOT TOO MUCH! ARGHHH! I’m getting sick now, okay just what ever! But when the time comes, just tell me it will be okay. And tell me that you will never tell me the truth so lies will taste same like the truth. Enough fro my lovelife shitty and plotless, I love you

<3, Janet Abigail

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